Stricken, Katherine said, “I can’t possibly dance, Lord Derry. No, I must go home. Immediately.”
“Quite right, quite right, my dear. It’s so hard to remember you’re a widow, truly. In that case, let us go. Good evening, Miss Worthington. Mr Patmore.”
If she could have, Katherine would have picked up her skirts, dashed across the ballroom and jumped in the first hackney carriage to pass by, thereby publicly severing the impression that there was anything between Lord Derry and herself. But she’d scandalised the guests here tonight sufficiently by appearing in mourning and then being so much in Lord Derry’s company; as if she were snubbing her nose at the whole world, not least her husband’s memory.
She glanced over her shoulder and saw that Jack was looking after her, similarly twisting his neck, though Miss Worthington was chattering to him and clearly intended to have him all to herself.
And Katherine realised with sinking inevitability that she probably would.
Chapter 17
It was hard to be the mother of a daughter who was so unhappy which made it even more of a pleasure to greet an old friend.
Fanny rose as the parlourmaid announced Mrs Patmore. “Eliza, my dear, I can’t believe it’s been more than a year. But you’ve been in London four days without calling,” she added with mock severity. “Though I understand the reason all too well.” She drew Eliza to the sofa and pulled the rope to order refreshment as her friend took a seat opposite her. “Katherine tells me Jack has grown from a stripling into the most splendid young man. You must be so proud of his achievements. But my goodness you must have missed him. Seven years is a long time.”
Eliza, who rarely showed emotion, dabbed at her eyes with a fine lawn handkerchief and smiled through her tears. “I should be used to it. After all, it was almost seven years between being forced to give him up as an infant to the foundling home to recognising him when I visited Quamby House.”
The women shared a colluding look. What a happy circumstance it had been when Fanny and Antoinette’s matchmaking had pushed Eliza into the orbit of charming, honourable Rufus Patmore. At the time, she’d been intent on marrying the Brightwell sisters’ cousin, odious George Bramley, only because he lived at Quamby House where Jack was a regular visitor, a playmate of Young George’s.
“I’m sure you never thought it would be seven years before he’d return again as a young man. I can’t wait to see how he’s changed. Katherine said I’d recognise him as Jack, but that to see him was to see Jack as the best man he could ever have become, and that’s praise indeed, coming from her.” Fanny sighed. “Poor Katherine. Widowed at only twenty-four.”
Eliza reached over to pat Fanny’s hand. “It’s more than that though, isn’t it? You intimated as much in your letter. For the sake of our long friendship, I won’t pretend nothing is wrong when it is. You can confide in me, and if there’s anything I can do to help, I will.”
Fanny smiled at her kindness. While she and Antoinette were close, they did not always agree on the best course regarding Fanny’s headstrong daughter.
Eliza did not often come to town, so her distance from the gossiping ton was some comfort. She sighed. “Katherine seemed to have the world at her feet when she was launched. She had such a genuine desire for a true and lasting happiness that I was prepared to be indulgent when she made her choice.” She twisted the black-and-yellow cotton print of her simple gown between her fingers and went on, “I believe she could have made a wonderful match.” It wasn’t often Fanny allowed emotion to get the better of her, but she had difficulty going on, and it was Eliza who supplied, “Except that her head was turned by Lord Marples before she’d properly found her feet and might have made a wiser decision. Oh, my dear Fanny, I know only too well how easily that can happen.”
Fanny nodded. “I know you do, Eliza. And you know that I, too, was in a situation very similar, only, I was the lucky one of the three of us. I set my cap at Fenton, and I threw caution to the wind and…success and happiness were my rewards rather than…repercussions and a life of disappointment. You also followed the impulses of your youthful heart, but while you were not as fortunate as I was in the first instance…” she said with a smile, referring to Eliza’s youthful indiscretion with Jack’s father, “Jack was your compensation, for despite the pain of being parted from him, you had the joy of winning him back through the love and goodness of admirable Rufus Patmore. I’m surprised Jack left you again for so long, knowing how much pain it would cause you in view of your first forced separation.”
Eliza sent Fanny a level look then lowered her head. “Jack knows nothing of that,” she murmured.
Fanny truly was shocked. “You’ve never told Jack you’re his natural mother?”
Eliza shook her head. “I never wanted him to learn of my shame. That I was an unwed mother, a disgrace, and he was born out of wedlock. Even to be the child of poor farmers would be better than that.”
“So, Jack still believes he’s just the foundling boy taken in by the kindly Patmores for no other reason than charity?”
“Fanny, please don’t put it that way!” Eliza cried. “I can’t tell you the agony I’ve gone through over this. Rufus said it must be my decision as to whether Jack was told the truth. There’ve been a few occasions over the years that I’ve nearly told him but…” She took a deep breath. “Jack has always been such an upstanding, honourable young man; such a stickler for observing the highest of morals. I was terrified I would forever be tarnished in his eyes for…giving birth to a bastard.” She’d dropped her voice so it was hard for Fanny to hear. “I don’t know if it contributed to him going away. The fact that he believed, and still believes, that he’s not our natural son. He said he was determined that he would make his way in the world on his own merits, with no financial backing from Rufus.”
“Oh, Eliza.” Fanny squeezed her friend’s hands. “That’s a hard thing to live with.”
“When I waved him off at the docks, I knew I’d made a mistake. But it was too late.”
“Then tell him.”
Eliza nodded. “I shall…when the time is right.”
“I hope that’s sooner rather than later,” said Fanny. “And Rufus and Jack…they are still on good terms?”
“Tremendous!” Eliza smiled. “Jack has always looked up to Rufus and was so determined to make him proud. Which he has done. Jack is the greatest comfort to both of us and the most wonderful of brothers to the younger ones who all adore him, though, of course, Theodosia doesn’t remember him because she was only a baby when he left. And perhaps it’s because I was too involved with a new baby that I failed to read Jack’s mood, though nothing would have changed his mind about going. Even falling in love.”
“Jack fell in love before he left? Did he know Miss Worthington then?”
It was Antoinette who asked the question, her eyes gleaming as she breezed into the room and took a seat opposite her sister and friend. She was dressed for walking and Fanny noticed there were leaves in her elaborately coiffured hair. No doubt her sister had been indulging in the attentions of her latest lover. “Do tell! Who was he in love with?” Antoinette’s eyes sparkled and Fanny reflected that her sister had never truly had her heart broken. Loving men, collectively, seemed enough for her.
“Perhaps Katherine knows,” Antoinette went on. “She and Jack have always been such good friends. And on that subject, do tell me Jack’s going to visit Katherine and try and cheer her up. She’s taken this business about Lord Derry very hard.”
“Lord Derry?” Eliza’s brow creased, and Fanny felt her daughter’s embarrassment personally.